Friday, June 26, 2009


If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I had trouble forgiving people, I would have said – Absolutely not, I can forgive anybody for anything.

At the time, I believed that truth.

The real truth now becomes that I had not experienced TRUE EVIL up to that point in my life. For 33 years of life, people pretty much liked me and treated me with respect. Over the last 2 years, I have been tested. The testing came through many different people, and in many different forms. But, the constant factor became – people demonstrating UNSOLICITED pain with evil intentions. Up to this point in my life I had never experienced this concept of “They just don’t like you, Kristie – No, you didn’t do anything to them, they just don’t like you”

Seriously, WHAT?

Many questions came to my mind.
Mainly - Why?

After 2 years, I still have no answers.
One thing I do know:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
~Romans 12

How can I repeatedly read this, yet spend my days day-dreaming about how to out-smart them and bring revenge? I justify it by saying: Maybe God will use me to bring His wrath.

I feel like I know what I am supposed to do.
I feel like my mind won’t let me do it.
I’m struggling to forgive,
when the forgiveness is also: UNSOLICITED.


Paul and Jackie said...

You amaze me, girl. You are wiser beyond your years. I love your fresh honesty. I love how your brain mulls things over. You know exactly what is expected of us, yet you struggle, like most of us do (frankly, those that say they don't are LYING!). Keep up your wonderful spirit. You will be rewarded in the end!

David Hulings said...

Sometimes we get put into situations that are not always good. But, God knows that; like Joseph and Daniel. You are in good company.